Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success, Your Success GPS and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent you need to do three things.  First, get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to better understand and communicate with others.  Second, build solid, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in your life.  Third, resolve conflict in a creative manner and with little upset to your relationships.

The other day I came across a prayer attributed to Cary Grant.  I’ve edited it for brevity, but the important ideas are still there…“Release me from trying to straighten out everyone’s affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing. Take a look…

“Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.  Keep my tongue free from the recital of endless details.

“Seal my lips on my aches and pains.  I ask for grace enough to listen to the retelling of others’ afflictions and to be helped to endure them with patience.

“Release me from trying to straighten out everyone’s affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody, helpful but not overbearing.

“Give me improved memory with growing humility and an ability to capitulate when my memory clashes with the memory of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that on some occasions, I may be mistaken.

“Keep me reasonably kind.  An embittered person is a constant burden.

“Please give me the ability to see good in unlikely places and talents in unexpected people. And give me the grace to tell them so.”

That is some prayer – and the embodiment of interpersonal competence.  Cary Grant asked for the gifts of: silence and listening; the ability to empathize with others’ afflictions without going into detail about his; the tendency to give unwanted and unasked for advice; the willingness to admit is mistakes; kindness; and the ability to see the good in others – and to tell them so.

I have printed this prayer and have hung it in my office.  I aspire to all of the characteristics for which Cary Grant prayed.  I hope that God will give me these gifts too.  Because if He does, I know I will become an interpersonally competent person.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people – listen to and empathize with others; avoid giving unwanted and unsolicited advice; admit their mistakes; are kind; see the good in others and tell them so.  This is a pretty high standard to set for yourself.  But as I pointed out in another blog post this week, it’s best to set high goals.  So do yourself a favor and set the goal of living up to these ideals.  The people in your life will thank you, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a truly interpersonally competent person.

That’s my take on Cary Grant’s prayer and interpersonal competence.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Outstanding performance is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become an outstanding performer you need to do three things.  First, stay on top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner.  Second, set high goals.  Do whatever it takes to achieve them.  Third, get organized.  Manage your time, life and stress well.

Your diet is an important part of life and stress management.  It’s easier to perform at a high level when you eat well and exercise regularly.

If you’ve been paying attention recently, you’ve probably seen the news reports about the high caloric content of a lot of restaurant meals.  Apparently a lot of restaurant food (Chili’s Southwestern Eggrolls have really received a lot of bad press) is engineered to contain large amounts of fat, sugar and salt, which release the chemical dopamine, which in turn stimulates your desire to consume more foods high in fat, sugar and salt – an unhealthy combination.  If you’re interested in learning more about this, I suggest you read The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, by David Kessler

Eating at home is one way to eat a more healthy diet.  But eating at home can be a bit of a chore.  Clint Bounds has created a meal planning website, www.plantoeat.com that will not only help you plan healthy nutritious meals, it will help you plan your shopping.  Here’s what he has to say…

Eating at home should be easier.

If you are anything like our family, you often find your fridge either too full of food you can’t use or practically empty. You can’t decide what to eat throughout the day so you end up spending more money eating out. You’re frustrated with grocery shopping because you buy what you don’t need and forget the stuff you do. You’re tired of reinventing the wheel every meal!

Meal planning to the rescue.

Over the years, meal planning has been the most successful process that has helped our family consistently eat at home. When you have a plan, you know what you are eating in advance, have the ingredients and can start cooking before you are hungry. This saves money, time and your sanity. But even if you don’t eat out often, you will still save money with meal planning because you will buy less of what you don’t need and waste less food. You will also eat healthier meals with ingredients you can pronounce (and digest), spend more time with your family and friends, and relieve the stress of not knowing what to eat at the worst times (when you are already hungry, or worse, when your kids are).

So how do you meal plan?

First, plan to meal plan. Set aside time each week to plan your meals for the week or just the next few days. Then create your family menu so you can quickly make a meal selection, just as you would at a restaurant. Then plan your meals using your menu and event calendar, and create your shopping list from the planned recipes. To help with this process and eliminate the redundancy, such as continually recreating your shopping list, we have built a meal planning website called Plan to Eat. Plan to Eat is a simple to use tool that allows you to permanently store all of your favorite recipes in one place. No more fumbling through multiple recipe books, magazines and websites. You can either import recipes from popular recipe websites or easily input them by hand. Once you have your menu, you can search for your recipes by ingredients, cuisines, etc. Then drag-and-drop your recipes to your weekly meal plan and Plan to Eat automatically creates the shopping list for you, sorted by grocery store categories. It’s really easy. You can also share your recipes with your friends. They can see your recipes and you can see theirs. We have a virtual “Pantry” that includes many popular staple items (like milk, napkins, soap, etc.) that help remind you what staple items you need before going shopping. And you can add them to your shopping list with only a few clicks. Then print out your shopping list and go shopping with confidence that you have a plan that includes eating great food at home, and not wasting time and money in the process.

Clint makes some great points here – and his Plan to Eat website makes it easy to plan for and cook delicious, healthy meals at home.  Check it out.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are outstanding performers.  Outstanding performers manage their time, life and stress well.  You will eat better, more healthy meals if you cook at home.  To take full advantage of the health benefits of eating at home, you need to do a good job of meal planning.  Clint Bounds’Plan to Eat website is an excellent resource for planning your meals – and for eating a more healthy diet – and for saving money on your food cost.  It’s a win/win/win.

That’s my take on healthy eating for success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  And don’t forget to check out www.plantoeat.com. As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Self confidence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become self confident you need to do three things.  First, become an optimist.  Believe that today will be better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.  Second, face your fears and act.  Third, surround yourself with positive people.

Last week I saw a great movie, Every Little Step.  It is a documentary depicting the casting for the revival of the Broadway play A Chorus Line; which is interesting because A Chorus Line is a play about people auditioning for a Broadway play.  Pretty clever filmmaking – and a delight to watch.

As I watched Every Little Step I was struck by the self confidence of the dancers and actors auditioning.  They were optimistic.  They all believed they were going to get the part.  They faced the fear that comes with auditioning for a highly critical small group of people – and did it with a smile on their faces.  And, even though they were all in competition for the same parts, they supported on another.  It was great to watch.

I found one woman particularly interesting.  Prior to the final audition, cospoke candidly on camera about finding the courage to do the very best she could at the audition, and taking solace in that, even if she didn’t get the part.  It’s what athlete’s call “leaving it all on the field.”  Natascia went for it.  She left it all on the audition stage – and didn’t get the part.  My heart broke for her.

Afterwards, she spoke on camera again and said that she was disappointed, but that in her heart of hearts she knows that “her time will come” and she will get a leading role in Broadway.

I was impressed.  This young woman put her heart and soul into wining a part that she didn’t get.  Yet, she was happy with herself because she knew she did the absolute best she could.  And, she didn’t let this set back deter her.

Natascia is an optimist.  She embodies several points of The Optimist Creed.  And, as you remember, optimism is one of the keys to self confidence.  After her disappointment, she promised herself “to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.”  She also was “so strong that nothing – even losing a part she had worked so hard to get – could disturb her peace of mind.”  And, she was “too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble” in her life.  She looked forward to the next audition.

I love The Optimist Creed.  It helps me stay positive and focused on my goals.  I have given away over a thousand copies of it.  If you want a copy to hang in your workspace – just like me, please go to www.BudBilanich.com/optimist.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are self confident.  Self confident people are optimistic.  They act in the face of their fears, and they surround themselves with positive people.  The film, Every Little Step, shows a group of courageous, optimistic people competing against the odds for a part in a Broadway show.  If you’re interested in building your self confidence, pick it up at the video store, or order it on Netflix.  You’ll see some amazing examples of people who are optimistic, believe in themselves and face their fears and act.  It’s a film you can enjoy on many levels.  The human drama is gripping.

That’s my take on Every Little Step and self confidence.  What’s yours?  If you’ve seen the movie, please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Outstanding performance is one of the keys to success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to be an outstanding performer you need to do three things.  1) Stay at the top of your game by becoming a lifelong learner.  2) Set high goals.  Do whatever it takes to achieve them.  3) Get organized.  Manage your time life and stress well.

I’m a big believer in synchronicity.  That’s why I pay attention to what’s happening around me.  Several days ago, I received an e mail from Mike Litman asking me to check out one of his blog posts that focused on one word – action.  Mike suggested doing one thing that I don’t want to do today that will move my life and business forward.

I was traveling last week.  I took the latest issue of SUCCESS Magazine with me.  You know I love this magazine.  If you’re not a subscriber, I suggest you go to www.success.com and subscribe right now.  In the current issue, Mel Robbins has a piece about time.  She says you should begin every day by asking yourself one question, “What is the one thing I can accomplish today that would make me feel fantastic at day’s end?”  Mel says do that one thing immediately.

In the same issue of SUCCESS, Richard Branson tells entrepreneurs to write down a risk they know they should take to improve their business, and to do it.  “Take the risk, even if it scares you,” he says.

I recently attended an event hosted by James Malinchak.  James is a very successful entrepreneur who really knows how to market.  I left the event with a rubber bracelet that says, “GSDF: Get Stuff Done Fast.”  Because I survived my brush with cancer, it hasn’t replaced the LIVESTRONG bracelet I’ve been wearing for several years, but it sits right next to my computer in my office.

Mike, Mel, Richard and James make a great point about outstanding performers – they get things done because they take action.  Do it. Do it now.  Just do it.  Outstanding performers accomplish their goals because they focus on what’s important – something that can be risky or something they don’t want to do – and take action.  They get stuff done quickly.  As Tony Robbins says, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am a believer in synchronicity.  Lately, I’ve been getting lots of input urging me to take action – to do things I don’t want to do, to do things that will make me feel good, to do things that are risky and to do things quickly.  I am following this advice.  I urge you to so too if you want to become an outstanding performer.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are outstanding performers.  Outstanding performers set high goals and then do whatever it takes to achieve them.  Action is the key to achieving your goals.  Action leads to success.  It is the antidote to fear.  It keeps you moving in a positive direction.  If you want to succeed, you need to take positive determined action on a consistent basis.   Action is the key to outstanding performance, and outstanding performance is one of the keys to personal and professional success.

That’s my take on action and success.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  Tell us about a recent action you took and how it helped you achieve one of your goals.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Dynamic communication skills are one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to master three basic, but very important communication skills: 1) conversation; 2) writing; and 3) presenting.

Yesterday, I did a post on lifelong learning.  One of the messages of the post was that it pays to pay attention to information that may seem as if it has little relevance to you – you might learn something.

Today’s post is about the information in a book that you might be tempted to overlook if you’re not a sales professional – or if you haven’t read my last post on lifelong learning.

How to Win a Pitch, a very interesting book by Joey Asher, might seem like a book meant only for sales professionals.  But it’s not.  We’re all in sales, as we have to sell ourselves every day.  We have to create positive personal impact to get people interested in us, and then we have to be good communicators to sell our ideas.

Joey presents five common sense fundamentals for becoming a persuasive communicator…

1. Focus your message on the business problem.
2. Organize your message around three memorable points.
3. Show passion.
4. Involve your audience in your presentation.
5. Rehearse…Rehearse…And Rehearse Again.

I like Joey’s points – even if he has five instead of three.  Just kidding.  The important idea is to focus on a minimal number of points.  Joey has five fundamentals for becoming a persuasive communicator.  I have four keys to career and life success: Clarity, Commitment, Confidence and Competence.  The fact that my four keys begin with the letter “C” makes it even easier for people to remember them.  In my case, this was a happy coincidence.  I don’t suggest trying to force alliterations or acronyms.  If your subject matter lends itself to them – great go with it.  If not, don’t force it.

I also love what Joey has to say about passion.  He is 100% correct when he says that your voice is your first key to passion.  It’s OK to sound as if you’re excited – you should be excited about the points you’re making.

I once lost a job I really wanted because I didn’t let my passion for the job show through in the interview.  Ironically, I made a conscious decision to act in a laid back manner in the interview – you know, “We’re both professionals here.  I’m calm.  I know myself.  No sense in over hyping it.”  As it turns out, I was one of two finalists for the job.  The recruiter told me that the hiring manager liked my skills and experience more than the other guy, but he hired the other guy because he showed more passion and drive.  I’ve never made that mistake again.

By nature, I am a passionate guy.  I care about what I do.  I let this passion show through, when I’m selling and when I’m doing my work.  It’s hard to care too much.  And, if I’m going to fail, I’m going to fail showing how much, not how little, I care.  Joey Asher and I urge you to do the same.

I agree with Joey on the importance of rehearsals.  As I often say, only half jokingly, “Preparation makes up for a lack of talent.  That’s how I’ve gotten as far as I have in my life and career.”  Prepare, prepare, prepare and you’ll become a better communicator.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Dynamic communicators have mastered three critical skills: conversation, writing and presenting.  Dynamic communicators realize that we are all sales people and that we need to constantly sell ourselves and our ideas.  In How to Win a Pitch, Joey Asher suggests that dynamic communicators have mastered five fundamentals: 1) Focus your message on the business problem. 2) Organize your message around three memorable points.  3) Show passion. 4) Involve your audience in your presentation.  5) Rehearse…Rehearse…And Rehearse Again.

That’s my take on what Joey Asher has to say in How to Win a Pitch.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Interpersonal competence is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to become interpersonally competent, you need to do three things.  1) Get to know yourself.  Use this self knowledge to help you better understand and communicate with others.  2) Build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with lots of people.  3) Resolve conflict in a manner that leads to creative solutions to disagreements and strengthens your relationships.

I have been asked to contribute three chapters to the forthcoming book 42 Rules for Creating WE by members of the Creating WE Institute of which I am a founding member.  One of my chapters is entitled, “There is No Quid Pro Quo in WE.”  In this chapter, I focus on how to build solid relationships by giving with no expectation of return.

Take a look…

WE is built on relationships; the idea that we are all connected, and that through a WE-centric, rather than a traditional I-centric approach, our collective wisdom grows and evolves.  This kind of thinking creates stronger organizations and societies.  It fosters mutual shared respect for the unique contribution every person is capable of making.  Solid, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships are at the core of WE.  Giving with no expectation of return is a great way to create these types of relationships.

This is a quid pro quo world: you do for me and I’ll do for you.  While there is nothing wrong in reciprocating a good deed or a favor, there is a fundamental problem with quid pro quo.  It is reactive not proactive. 

Too many people wait for others to go first.  They adopt the attitude, “When and if you do for me, I’ll do for you.”  This scarcity mentality is not conducive to creating WE.  When you come from a scarcity mentality, you focus on holding on to what you already have.  This can prevent you from receiving what you might possibly get.

On the other hand, giving with no expectation of return comes from a proactive abundance mentality.  When you give with no expectation of return, you are acknowledging the abundance of the universe.  You are demonstrating faith that the good you do will benefit others close to you and the world at large – and that good things will come back to you.

Giving with no expectation of return is ironic.  I have found that the more I give, the more I receive; often from unlikely sources.  But that’s not my reason for giving — and I hope it is not yours.  The best reason for giving is the basic joy of making a difference in other people’s lives and in creating a WE-centric world.

I love the Liberty Mutual Insurance “responsibility” ads.  They are a very visual demonstration of the ideas behind creating WE – especially giving with no expectation of return.  You’ve probably seen them.  They begin with someone going a little out of his or her way to do something that benefits others; picking up a piece of trash, opening a door for another person who’s hands are full.  Another person observes this and goes out of his or her way for someone else.  The cycle repeats several times during the ad.  The message is clear.  We are all better off when we help each other.

Giving without expectation of return helps you build strong relationships.  Larry Agresto is a WE-centric guy.  He says, “Truly successful people never compete, they network and leverage their relationships by providing value and giving more than they receive.”

In the end, giving with no expectation of return comes down to your mentality – scarcity or abundance.  If you come from a scarcity mentality, you will live by quid pro quo, and perpetuate the I-centric status quo.  If you come from an abundance mentality, you will give with no expectation of return and begin to create a WE-centric world.

I choose abundance and to take an active part in creating a WE-centric paradigm in my circle of influence.  I agree with Winston Churchill who once said, “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.”  When you give with no expectation of return you will get a good life.  You’ll also get a better world; one in which we all look out for one another.

This is merely a sample of the kind of advice you will find in 42 Rules for Creating WE.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are interpersonally competent.  Interpersonally competent people build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships.  Giving with no expectation of return is a great way to build relationships.  When you give with no expectation of return you are living a life based on an abundance mentality, not a scarcity mentality based on the idea of quid pro quo.  Giving with no expectation of return means that you are trusting that the good you do, and the help you provide others will be returned to you.  I have found this to be true – often in very strange and unexpected ways.

That’s my take on building relationships by giving with no expectation of return.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thank you for reading.

Bud

Positive personal impact is one of the keys to personal and professional success that I discuss in Straight Talk for Success.  If you want to create positive personal impact, you need to do three things.  First, create and nurture your personal brand.  Second, be impeccable in your presentation of self – in person and on line.  Third, know and follow the basic rules of etiquette.

People who create positive personal impact are good at networking.  They know how to engage others quickly and leave a positive, lasting impression.   Dressing well and paying attention to your appearance is a great start.  However, great networkers know that looking good is only one piece of the puzzle.  Here are some of my best common sense tips on how to create positive personal impact through networking.

Here are my four best ideas on creating positive personal impact when networking…

Stay focused on the person with whom you are in a conversation.  Many people let their eyes wander – especially at networking events.  When you do this, you are sending a message to the person with whom you are speaking that he or she is less important than someone else you might spot in the crowd.  It’s not only polite, it’s good business sense to focus on the person in front of you.  Exchange business cards before you move on to speak with someone else.

Listen and respond appropriately to people you meet.  Maintain eye contact.  Ask questions if you don’t understand what they say.  Paraphrase what they say to make sure you understand.  Above all, respond appropriately – don’t take the conversation in a new direction until the topic under discussion has been exhausted.

Build relationships with people you meet by being helpful.  Take the initiative.  Give them leads that may help them.  Last week, Helen Whelan CEO of SuccessTelevision.com sent me an email letting me know about a pr opportunity.  I thanked Helen and followed up on the opportunity.  I also sent it to two people I know who may be better suited than me.  Why?  Because I wanted to strengthen my relationships with them – and what better way to build strong relationships that by giving something of value to other people.

Learn from as many people as you can.  Everybody has something to offer.  With some people you have dig a little more deeply than with others.  Regardless, treat every conversation as a learning opportunity.  The more you listen, the more you’ll learn. 

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people create positive personal impact.  Networking is a great way to create a powerful lasting impression for yourself.  You will create positive personal impact in networking situations if you: 1) stay focused on the person with whom you are engaged in conversation; 2) listen and respond appropriately; 3) build relationships by being helpful; and 4) learn from as many people as you can.

That’s my take on using networking to create positive personal impact.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud