The other day, I was at a workshop and one of the speakers was clearly nervous.  He began his talk by telling the old story about the survey that asked people to name their greatest fear.  Public speaking came in first, by a large margin.  Death was fourth.  So, if you believe the results of this survey, most people would rather die than stand up and give a talk.  He was one of them.  He urged us to be kind to him because he was nervous doing this talk.

He was suffering from what is known by a number of names: presentation anxiety, stage fright, the jitters.  Whatever you call it presentation anxiety can be the death knell for an otherwise great talk. We all get nervous before a talk, but being nervous doesn’t have to mean you’ll do a bad talk.   Presentation anxiety is a response to fear of doing a poor talk.  It shows ups in a number of ways: blushing, shaking stuttering, preparing.  At its worst, it will lead you to feel as if you’re not making sense, or worse yet, to lose the thread of your talk.

Presentation skills are one of the three communication skills that are part of my Common Sense Success System.  I discuss them in detail in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success; Star Power; I Want YOU…To Succeed; Your Success GPS; 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.

I make speeches for a living, and I get nervous before every one of them.  In fact, if I’m not a little nervous, I start to worry that I will be flat and deliver an unenthusiastic talk. Over the years, I’ve developed a few tricks that I use to calm my nerves before a big presentation and make them work for, not against me.  Check them out…

Practice your talk out loud. This will help you get comfortable with your material and your delivery.

Think good thoughts.  Imagine yourself succeeding beyond your wildest dreams.  Imagine that you will get a standing ovation for your talk.  This is what visualization is all about.

Get there early. In this way, you’ll be able to set up your computer and run through your slides one last time.

Greet people as they arrive; exchange a few words with them. This will help you make a good first impression with members of the audience. It will also help you get control of your nerves, because you’ll feel more comfortable speaking to a group of people you know rather than a group of strangers.

Take a deep breath before you begin.  This will calm you, help center you and give you enough air to get through your opening.

Move. When you begin your presentation, move around. Use body movement to help release some of your nervous energy. Don’t get trapped behind the podium.  It can inhibit you from releasing your energy.

Just chat with the audience. Think of your presentation as a conversation. There might be 10, or 25, or 100 people in your audience. But in terms of real communication, there are only two people in the room: you and a single listener.

Tell stories to illustrate your main points.  People like listening to stories and they tend to remember points illustrated by stories.

Ask questions during your talk. This will help you build a dialogue and a participatory feeling. I try to make at least one quarter and as much as one half of my talk a discussion with the audience. In this way, it’s less of a speech and more of an expanded conversation with every person in the room.

Don’t worry if you make a mistake.  To begin with, most people won’t realize that you made a mistake.  Second, realize the audience is with you.  They’ve all been there and know that presenting can be nerve wracking.  Most people in the audience will be pulling for you to do a good job. 

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  Presentations are opportunities to shine – to demonstrate that you are a dynamic communicator.  Stage fright is the biggest enemy of presentation success.  Don’t let stage fright rob you of your opportunity to shine.  One good presentation can make a career.  Presentations are the best ways to get noticed and have your name at the top of the list when promotional opportunities come up.  There are several ways to deal with presentation anxiety: be prepared, know your stuff cold; think of your talk as a conversation with the audience; tell stories to illustrate your points.    However, there is one piece of advice that trumps all when it comes to delivering dynamic presentations: practice, practice, practice! 

That’s my take on dealing with stage fright.  What’s yours?  Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

Competence is one of the keys to career and life success that I discuss in several of my books: Straight Talk for Success; Your Success GPS; and 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.  If you want to succeed you need to develop four basic, but important competencies: 1) creating positive personal impact; 2) becoming a consistently high performer; 3) communication skills; and 4) becoming interpersonally competent.

Here is an overview of how to become a dynamic communicator.  It is rule 26 in 42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success.

The life of a business traveler, especially one like me who travels to New York City regularly, appears glamorous at first glance. People always ask me if I’ve eaten at famous restaurants like “21” or the latest hot spot they’ve read about in Travel and Leisure. 

Most often when I’m in New York and don’t have a business dinner, I dine on Chinese food delivered to my hotel room from a local take out place.  Once my fortune cookie read, “Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.” I was happy with this fortune, but it made me think about the importance of communication.

My talents, your talents, everyone’s talents will be recognized and rewarded if we develop and use our communication skills. There are three types of communication skills critically important for career and life success: 1) Conversation skills; 2) Writing skills; and 3) Presentation skills. 

You need to develop each of these skills if you want to have your talents recognized.  There are a few common sense points associated with becoming a dynamic communicator.

Become a good conversationalist by listening.  Take an active interest in other people and what they’re saying.  Show them you’re listening by asking appropriate follow up questions to what they say. 

Conversation skills enhance your networking ability.  Networking is an important but often overlooked communication skill. It is helpful when you are looking for a job, but it is even more important when you are happy with your situation. All people who are professional success build and nurture strong networks. 

Successful people have large networks. They have people they can call to help them. They know they can call on these people because these people know they can call on them.  That’s the real secret of networking – look to help others, not just to find out how they can help you.

Write in a manner that communicates well.  In general, this means, being clear, concise and easily readable.  The best way to make sure your writing is readable is to read it aloud before sending it. 

When I was in high school, I was the editor of my yearbook. To raise funds to cover the cost of our yearbook, we sold ads. There were a lot of factories in the town where I grew up. In the past, the yearbook staff had never approached these factories to place ads in the yearbook. I wrote sales letters to all of the plant managers. We got several full page ads from those letters.

One of the plant managers wrote back, asking if I would come to see him. When I walked in to his office and introduced myself, he was surprised. He told me that my sales letter was so well written that he thought I was the teacher who was the yearbook sponsor.  Two years later, I was looking for a summer job after my first year of college. The market was tight. I called this man. He remembered me, and I got a job.

Preparation is the most important key to good presentations.  You have to analyze your audience, prepare a talk that gives them what they want, and practice your talk out loud if you want to be a great presenter.

Presentation skills may present the biggest opportunity for getting your talents noticed. Just a few months ago, I did a talk for a local chamber of commerce. As it so happens, the Sheriff’s department is a member of this chamber. The Sheriff himself happened to be there that day. He liked my talk. About a week later, I got a call from his training office. The Sheriff asked him to get in touch with me to conduct some supervisory training for their sergeants. I never would have gotten this business if it weren’t for the notice I received from a talk at that chamber meeting.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are competent.  Dynamic communication skills are one of the most important competencies you need to develop if you are going to become personal and professional success.  There are three communication skills that are critical to your success: 1) conversation, 2) writing, and 3) presenting.  Ask questions and listen to become a good conversationalist.  Use the smallest word that communicates exactly what you want to say in writing.  Use short, subject, verb, object sentences.  Preparation is the key to making great presentations.  The more you prepare, the better your talk will be.

That’s my take in communication skills and success.  What’s yours?  Please take a few minutes to comment, sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

The August/September issue of SUCCESS Magazine showed up in my mailbox yesterday.  As usual, I dropped what I was doing and paged through it.  I’m taking it with me today on a trip to Florida to celebrate my niece, Morgan’s, engagement.   I’ll read it cover to cover and make notes as I read.

I love SUCCESS Magazine.  Have you subscribed yet?  If not, you should.  I haven’t found a better source of content on career and life success. 

One article jumped out at me, as I always post about communication on Thursday.  The article is called “Are You Drowning Your Prospects?”  It’s written by Terri Sjodin, author of “New Sales Speak.”  Ms. Sjodin makes a great point about presentations – “don’t be informative, be persuasive.’

Presentation skills, along with writing and conversation skills, are the three keys to becoming a dynamic communicator.  Ms. Sjodin provides some great common sense advice on how you can become a great presenter.

Here’s some of the great common sense advice Ms. Sjodin presents:

• “Every solid presentation requires a certain amount of data and support, but many professionals spend too much time informing and not enough time persuading.”
• “It’s a teacher’s job to be informative, while a salesperson must be persuasive.”
• “Focus on the most compelling argument with each customer or client.”
• “Design a presentation that anticipates common objections and overcomes them before they become reasons not to buy.”
• “Don’t just wing it; think through your strategy and build a compelling case and then deliver it with savvy in your own authentic voice.”

Ms. Sjodin is writing to a sales audience, but she provides great advice for all of us.  Your job title may not be “salesperson,” but if you want to succeed in your life and career, you need to be constantly selling yourself and your ideas.

How do you go about selling your ideas?  Please leave a comment.  Share your secrets with the rest of us.

I particularly the fifth point above – especially, “DON’T WING IT!!!”  I put this advice in all caps because I’ve found that preparation is the key to making a dynamic presentation.  If you’re prepared, you’ll do a good job.  It’s as simple as that.  If you’re not prepared, you might get by once or twice, but in the long run your lack of preparation will catch up with you.

The common sense point here is simple.  Successful people are dynamic communicators.  If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to become and excellent conversationalist, a clear and succinct writer and a persuasive presenter.  When you’re giving a presentation, don’t overwhelm the audience with data.  Instead, make a compelling argument that makes your case.  And, most important — prepare, prepare, prepare.  As one of my first mentors always said, “Preparation makes up for a lack of talent.”  If you are talented, preparation will take you even further than talent alone.

That’s my take on persuasive presentations and preparing for them.  What’s yours?  As always, I’m interested in your perspective on these thoughts.  I welcome and appreciate your comments.  Thanks for reading.

Bud

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Your writing can make you appear smarter or dumber than you really are.  How you use modifiers can have a big impact on the impression you make with your writing.  The other day, I received the June 2008 Writing eTips Newsletter from Upwrite press (www.upwritepress.com).  It had some great common sense advice on the use of modifiers.

“When you use modifiers incorrectly, they actually muddy your message and suggest carelessness on your part. Here are two of the most common errors in using modifiers, along with ways to avoid them.

“A misplaced modifier that modifies the wrong word, can cause confusion for your reader. Here’s an example: Sheila almost worked until midnight.

“To say that “Sheila almost worked” makes her look like a slacker. The writer probably wanted to say that Sheila worked late—until almost midnight. The placement of the modifier “almost” makes a big difference in the meaning of the sentence. To avoid such misunderstandings, be sure your modifiers are close to the words they describe.

“The dangling modifier is a common error in which the modified word is either far from the modifier or missing completely, making the sentence unclear, or even preposterous. Here is an example: Racing recklessly down the street, the houses became a blur.

“In this instance, it appears that the houses were “racing down the street”—an unlikely occurrence. To repair such an error, the writer must clearly indicate who or what was racing: Racing recklessly down the street, I saw only a blur of houses.

“Another repair turns the modifying phrase into a clause by adding a subject: As I raced recklessly down the street, the houses became a blur.

“Always check your modifiers to make sure they are modifying the right words. The result will be clearer communication.”

I agree with this advice.  I find that many people often misplace modifiers causing their written communication to suffer – and making them appear as if they don’t understand the basic rules of grammar.  The examples in the Upwrite Press newsletter drive home this point very well.

I find that the word “only” is often used incorrectly as a modifier.  Take a look at these two sentences.  Sentence 1: You can only eat after you have washed your hands.  Sentence 2: You can eat only after you have washed your hands.

Sentence 1 means that eating is the only thing that you can do after you’ve washed your hands.  Sentence 2 means that you cannot eat until you have washed your hands.  In my experience, many people will use sentence 1 when they mean to convey the message of sentence 2.  Mistakes like this can cast a negative light on your written communication skills.

The common sense point here is simple.  Take the time to read what you write with a critical eye.  Make sure that the words you use as modifiers enhance, not detract from, your communication.  Be especially careful with the word “only.”  It is the modifier most often used incorrectly.  Subscribing to the Upwrite Press monthly eTips newsletter at www.upwritepress.com can help you avoid these types of embarrassing mistakes.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  As always, I welcome and encourage your thoughts and comments.

If you like what you’ve read here, you go to Amazon.com to purchase a copy of “Straight Talk for Success,” the book on which this blog is built. Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

All dynamic communicators are excellent conversationalists.  All excellent conversationalists are great listeners.  The other day, I read a very interesting book, “Same Words, Different Language” by Barbara Annis.  Ms. Annis bills herself as “the world’s leading gender specialist.”  After reading “Same Words, Different Language,” I’m inclined to agree.  If you are interested in understanding gender differences and how to deal with them, I suggest you read it too.

For purposes of this post, I want to concentrate on what Ms. Annis has to say about listening.  She says, “Active listening is what gives you those ‘Ah-hah’ moments.  How do you do that?  Follow these guidelines:

1. Take ownership of the situation.  It’s the only way to avoid becoming the victim of your own blind spots.  Try to recognize your own blind spots before you judge and evaluate others.  Ask yourself, “Is there something in what this person is saying that I’m not understanding?”  There probably is.
2. Ask questions.  Ask the person you’re listening to what they mean.  What’s their opinion on the issue?  How does this appear to them?
3. Use checking and framing strategies.  First check whether your assumption is true.  Maybe it is, but there could be more to it than you think.  Then frame your question in a way that avoids putting your boss or employee or colleague – or spouse – on the defensive.
4. Don’t rationalize or screen their responses.  Ask yourself whether you are having a dialogue, if you’re really listening actively, it means you’re learning something about the other person’s perspective that you never thought of before.
5. Don’t get on the defensive yourself.  “What you said hurt me,” is not a good way to get honest feedback.  Take ownership of your assumptions with a phrase like “I made an assumption about what you said to me.  I just want to check and see if that’s what you really mean.”
6. If you need to remind yourself about why it’s so important to check your assumptions, ask yourself some simple questions: What is my long term commitment here?  Do I want to make this relationship work?

Each of these six points is great common sense advice for becoming a better listener.  However, I would like to focus on Ms. Annis’ first point, especially the part, “Try to recognize your own blind spots before you judge and evaluate others.

I often make the following point with my executive coaching clients.  “When someone begins to speak, and you think, ‘That’s the craziest — or weirdest — or dumbest — thing I’ve ever heard,’ pay close attention and listen real hard, because you’re probably about to learn something.”  I think this is what Ms. Annis means when she advises us to recognize our own blind spots.

When you immediately disagree with what someone is saying, chances are they’re hitting your blind spot.  They are advancing a point that breaks a paradigm for you.  In these cases, it’s natural to react defensively and dismissively.  However, an accomplished listener will put aside his or her immediate reactions, and spend the time listening to understand the other person’s point of view. 

Understanding is key.  Once you understand, you can disagree – but it will be an informed disagreement.  When you disagree without understanding, you are not engaged in a dialogue with another person, but in an internal monologue with yourself where you are justifying you point of view.
And as an added bonus, I find that when I take the time to listen to what other people have to say, I often end up agreeing with their point of view, or at a minimum, I’ve learned a new way of thinking about an issue or idea.

The common sense point here is simple.  Listening is critical to becoming an excellent conversationalist.  Excellent conversation skills are critical to becoming a dynamic communicator.  Dynamic communication is critical to career and life success.  Pay attention to all six of Ms. Annis’ points on listening, but pay special attention to her first point – recognize your blind spots before you judge and evaluate others.  You can do this by paying close attention to people who are advancing points with which you don’t agree at first.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

I’ve sung the praises of Women’s Edge Magazine in this blog on several occasions, the most recent being Monday of this week.  If you missed it, you might want to check out the post I did on Muhammad Ali’s greatest lesson.

The current issue of Women’s Edge has a great article on communication written by Kim Mills and called “Bounce the Slang, Dude.”  Ms. Mills has a great sense of humor.  She begins by saying, “Have you ever heard a conversation but did not understand what was being said?…I’m talking about hearing English that is clearly enunciated yet uses a combination of words that form a sentence that doesn’t make sense”.

She provides the following example…

“That was a hella’ big sale you got dawg!  I bet Shawn’s a hater since h got flossed on the deal.  He should give you big props though ‘cause you’re a player.  That’s OK; you’ll get some mad cheddar for this win and show him who’s da’bomb!”

This translates to something like…

“Congratulations on your big sale.  I bet Shawn is pretty jealous because you got the deal instead of him.  Shawn should show you some respect for what you accomplished, and because you’re good at what you do.  Besides that, you’ll be getting a big commission from this sale, and you’ll probably end up being the top salesperson.”

Granted, the example is a little over the top – but not by much.  Slang is becoming more and more accepted – even though it can create confusion and hamper effective communication.  In yesterday’s post, I used the word “ginormous” – mostly as a joke, and partly because I like the sound of it.  If you don’t have the most recent version of the Merriam-Webster dictionary ginormous is an adjective that means “Bigger than gigantic and bigger than enormous; a colossal combination of the two.”

Ms. Mills says, “Once used primarily in private with close friends and family, slang seeped through these boundaries surfacing in music, films and television.  And with the advent of the internet, wireless phones and instant messaging, a separate language, based almost entirely on slang has emerged.  This ‘slang creep’ continues to flood our environment and now sows up in the workplace impacting our face-to-face communications, letters, e mails and voice messages.”

She argues that using too much slang at work can get you labeled as a person of low intellect, too trendy and unsophisticated.  “Use ‘like,’ ‘dude’ and ‘cool’ a few times during an interview and you’re likely to be deselected for a position.”

I think this is great common sense advice.  Slang can hamper communication – especially between generations.  And, unfortunately, the older generation – baby boomers like me – are still in charge at most workplaces.  So why take a chance?  Save the slang for night’s out with your friends.  Use conventional English at work.

The common sense point here is simple.  Slang is so not cool in the workplace.  I mean, slang is inappropriate for the workplace.  If you use proper English, you will communicate better.  And effective communicators are the people who usually get the promotions and find themselves rising to the top. 

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Last Thursday, I did a post on how to become a dynamic story teller.  I described the four step process for creating and telling good stories that I have developed. 

1. Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  If you can’t do this, you probably don’t know enough about the topic to be speaking about it in the first place.
2. Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.
3. Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.
4. Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

I promised that I would share an example of how I use this four step process to create and tell good stories.  Before I begin, I’d like to mention that it helps if you are observant, and pay attention to what’s going on the world around you.  Having said this, it’s on to the example.

Step 1

One of the things that I “know to be true” about relationship building is that assumptions can kill conversations and relationships.

Step 2

I know this from a variety of experiences, but one in particular stands out.  Rob Likoff, my friend is a basketball fan.  He lives in New York, so he is a Knicks fan – something a little tough to be these days.  He is such a fan that he has a Knicks vanity license plate.  It has the Knicks’ logo in the middle surrounded by these letters: “SLM DNK.”  If you’re a basketball fan – or even if you aren’t, you are likely to know that SLM DNK stands for “Slam Dunk.”  It’s a safe assumption, right?  Wrong!

One day, Rob was taking a client to lunch.  As they approached his car, she asked “Have you met a lot of women with your license plate?”  Rob was somewhat taken aback, so he asked, “Why do you ask?”  She said, “Because of what it says.” 

Now Rob was pretty confused.  Remember, his assumption was that everybody knew the licenses plate stood for “Slam Dunk.”  So, he asked her, “What do you think it says?”  She responded, “Simple – Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

This story proves my point about how assumptions can kill conversations and relationships before they begin.  Rob was pretty sure that everyone who saw his license plate would get its message.  He was reminded that this is not the case.

The woman in question was in her mid thirties.  She is unmarried, but would like to be married and have a family.  She had mentioned on previous occasions that she was worried that her biological clock was ticking. 

When you look at it from her perspective, it makes sense that she would confuse “Slam Dunk” with “Single Ladies Man, Divorced No Kids.”

Step 3

You can probably imagine how easy it is to tell an interesting and compelling story about assumptions based on Rob’s experience with his client.

Step 4

However, as entertaining as the story is, whenever I tell it I always make the generalizeable point that it is a vivid example of how one should never make assumptions about what another person knows or thinks.  Because, as the story illustrates, assumptions are often wrong.  And, incorrect assumptions are conversation and relationship killers.

I hope this example both entertained and enlightened you.  That’s what good stories should do.

Just like last Thursday, the common sense point here is simple.  All dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  Good stories put a human face on your points and they are uniquely yours.  There are four keys to creating good stories: 1) Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  2) Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.  3) Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.  4) Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  Everyone likes a story.  Stories are hard wired into our brains.  They come from the oral traditions of most cultures.  They were the way people learned prior to the written word.  Stories are powerful because they help us grasp important concepts.

In 1982 two very different books were published that changed the face of business books forever.  Both were built on stories.  “The One Minute Manager” by Ken Blanchard and Spenser Johnson was a little book that was story about a mythical manager – a fable, in essence.  Drs. Blanchard and Johnson told his story to illustrate the three points they think make for good leadership – One Minute Goal Setting; One Minute Praisings and One Minute Reprimands.  “The One Minute Manager” was a big hit, and a whole genre of literature – Business Fiction — was born.  Patrick Lencioni has become a master of this genre.

The other book was a great big book called “In Search of Excellence” by Tom Peters and Bob Waterman.  “In Search of Excellence” was a study of 43 high performing companies.  From this study the authors found eight common themes which they argued were responsible for the success of the chosen corporations. The book devotes one chapter to each theme.

1. A bias for action, active decision making.
2. Close to the customer – learning from the people served by the business.
3. Autonomy and entrepreneurship – fostering innovation and nurturing champions.
4. Productivity through people- treating rank and file employees as a source of quality.
5. Hands-on, value-driven management philosophy that guides everyday practice.
6. Stick to the knitting – stay with the business that you know.
7. Simple form, lean staff – some of the best companies have minimal HQ staff.
8. Simultaneous loose-tight properties.

The power of the book came in the stories that leaders in these companies told.  The stories not only illustrated the eight themes, they made them come alive for readers.  This book also changed the way business books are written.  It is difficult to pick up a business book these days that does not have stories to illustrate the points the author is making.

I used stories to illustrate the points in my new book, “Straight Talk for Success.”  Not surprisingly, my readers have told me that the stories make the book.  They say that the stories take my ideas out of the conceptual, and into the practical.

All of this is a long lead up to the point with which I began this post; dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  In “It Sure Beats Working”, Michael Katz explains why stories are a great communication device.  “1. Stories add warm flesh to the dry bones that are features.  2. Stories are hard to steal.”

I agree.  Stories make your points come alive.  They make you and the information you are providing more human.  In “Welcome the Rain” Michelle Sedas tells her story of overcoming depression.  It puts a human face on the points she is making in her great little book. 

Second, stories are hard to steal.  They belong to you, because you’ve lived them.  Other people can’t steal them because they don’t have the depth of experience you do.  They may retell your stories, but they will be providing second hand information.

Anyone can be a good storyteller.  I have developed a four step process for telling good stories.

1. Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  If you can’t do this, you probably don’t know enough about the topic to be speaking about it in the first place.
2. Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.
3. Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.
4. Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

The fourth point is critical.  Your story needs to provide advice on how to handle a variety of similar situations – not just the situation that provides the basis of the story.  Tracy Kidder, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, and a great story teller, says it very well.  “All stories are local.  All good stories are universal.”  By creating a generalizable point, you are taking the knowledge you gained in a specific local incident and showing how it applies to other situations.

Next week, I will do a post that illustrates how simple it is to use stories to become a dynamic communicator.

The common sense point here is simple.  All dynamic communicators are good story tellers.  Good stories put a human face on your points and they are uniquely yours.  There are four keys to creating good stories: 1) Identify one, two or three things you “know to be true” about the topic of your story.  2) Think of the life experiences that have led you to this knowledge.  3) Use these life experiences to create stories that make your point.  4) Create a generalizable point that people can take away from your story and apply in their lives.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

Today’s post is the fourth in a series on advice to my niece Brett, who graduated from Florida State last weekend.

Brett, all successful people are dynamic communicators.  All dynamic communicators have three things in common.  1) They are excellent conversationalists.  2) They write clearly and succinctly.  3) The present well – to groups two or two hundred.

Effective conversations are an up close and personal undertaking.  All of the dynamic communicators I know are great conversationalists.  Like most things I have one great piece of advice on how to become a great conversationalist.  Listen more than you speak.  When I am in a conversation, I try to spend about one third of my time speaking and two thirds listening.  I have found that this ratio works well for me.

Most people like to talk about themselves.  The best way to get people speaking about themselves is to ask a lot of questions.  When you meet people for the first time, ask what I call “get to know you” questions.  “What do you do?”  “Where do you live?”  “Are you married?”  “Do you have children?” 

Listen to the answers and file away this information for future use.  Yesterday I called on an old client.  Prior to going to see him, I spent time thinking about what I knew about him from our past interactions.  Here’s what I remembered.  We know several people in common.  His son is a music major at Ithaca College.  His company was recently acquired. 

I was able to keep the conversation going for over an hour by asking four questions.  1) How is your son doing at Ithaca?  2) Have you spoken to Jo lately?  3) I saw Tom the other day, have you spoken to him recently?  4) How are things going with your new company?

By asking these questions, listening, and adding follow up comments and/or questions, I was able to keep things moving for an hour.  At the end of that time, I was in a good position to ask the two questions that were my main reason for the conversation.  “How are things going with your team?  How can I help you?”  This was a sales call, after all.

The key here is to ask questions, listen to what people have to say, respond appropriately.  Then file away what you’ve learned.  I recommend writing it down so you won’t forget.  Review what you know about a person prior to visiting with him or her.  This will help you prepare for the conversation by choosing the questions you want to ask.

Good writing will set you apart.  Most people are poor writers.  They are unclear.  They ramble on.  Their e mails, letters and reports are a series of long sentences filled with big words that don’t really say anything.  You can catch people’s attention by writing in a clear, crisp, concise manner.

I try to write like a journalist.  I use short sentences with a simple subject – verb – object structure.  My writing may read a little staccato like, but it communicates.  People can understand my points and the reasoning behind them.

Your objective in writing at work is to communicate – not to impress others with your vocabulary.  When we were speaking about my book “Straight Talk for Success” the other day Brett, I said that I tried for an “avuncular hip” writing style.  You said, “What does that mean?”  I replied, “Avuncular means uncle-like.  I wanted to sound like a hip uncle to people reading the book.”  You came back with a great question, “Why didn’t you just say so?”

You were right.  Everybody knows what “uncle-like” means.  A lot of people, including cum laude graduates, don’t know the word “avuncular.”  I was just showing off my vocabulary by using that word.  As a result, I didn’t communicate effectively.

Write in short, simple sentences.  Use the most simple words you can to get across your point.  Write fast.  Get your thoughts on paper or the computer screen as quickly as you can.  Then edit and rewrite until you’ve said exactly what you want to say.  One of my first bosses always told me that rewriting is the secret to good writing. 

Write with the reader in mind.  Sometimes it’s a good idea to read aloud what you’ve written to get a feel for how it will sound in your reader’s mind. 

Finally, many a career has been built on one good presentation.  Presentations give you an opportunity to shine.  Unfortunately many people are afraid of standing before an audience and presenting.  Their fear stops them from taking advantage of the opportunities presentations afford.

Don’t let this happen to you, Brett.  Presenting is like any other process.  It can be broken down into a series of manageable steps.  Master the following five steps and you’ll become a great presenter. 

1. Determine your message.  Begin by determining what you have say.  Get crystal clear on the message you have for the audience.
2. Analyze your audience.  Why are they there?  How much do they know about your topic?  Are they familiar with any jargon you might use?  What is there general attitude towards you and the information you will be communicating?
3. Organize your information for impact.  I always start at the end.  I write my closing first.  I use this closing to help me choose the information I am going to include in my talk.  I ask myself, “Does this information add to my main point?”  If the answer yes, I leave it in.  If the answer is no, I take it out.  Then I write my opening.  I design my opening statements to do two things – get people’s attention, and then tell that what I will be telling them in my talk.  Once the closing and opening are written, I simply fill in the content.
4. Create supporting visuals.  Once I’ve decided what I want to say, and how I want to say it, I develop my visuals.  Your visuals should support your presentation – not drive it.  There is nothing more boring that watching and listening to someone read his or her slides.
5. Practice out loud.  This is the most important point of all.  As an early mentor told me, “Bud, preparation makes up for a lack of talent.”  It also enhances your natural talent.  Never skip this step.  If you do, you will be likely to do a poor talk.  And while a poor presentation generally is not a career killer, it is a missed opportunity.

Brett, there are a few common sense points about becoming a dynamic communicator here.  Become a good conversationalist by listening.  Take an active interest in other people and what they’re saying.  Show them you’re listening by asking appropriate follow up questions to what they say.  Write in a manner that communicates well.  In general, this means, being clear, concise and easily readable.  The best way to make sure your writing is readable is to read it aloud before sending it.  Finally, preparation is the most important key to doing a good presentation.  If you follow the five steps I’ve laid out above, you’ll be able to develop and present great talks.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.

Today is Thursday, so this post is on dynamic communication.

I came across a great book the other day: “Do It Right: The New Book of Business Etiquette” by Valerie Sokolosky.  Ms. Sokolosky is the author of seven other books, including “Monday Morning Leadership for Women.”  She leads workshops on the changing needs in the global marketplace.

There is a chapter in “Do It Right,” called “Techno-Etiqutte and Written Communications,” that has some great common sense advice on becoming a dynamic communicator.  Here’s what Ms. Sokolosky has to say about telephone communication.

Top Ten Telephone Do’s and Taboos:

• Identify yourself and your company and move quickly to the point.
• Ask if the person has time to talk.  If not, request a more convenient time.
• When leaving a phone message, state your name, company, day and time of your call, along with a call back number.  Give your availability or ask for a telephone appointment convenient for them.
• Be clear and concise about the information you need in their return call.
• Ask permission before putting someone on hold.
• When answering for someone else, say, “May I ask who’s calling?” rather than, “Who is this?”
• Keep a notepad by the phone to document conversations.
• Summarize when closing a conversation.
• Never hang up after dialing a wrong number without apologizing.
• Transfer calls by explaining why the transfer is necessary, saying “Ms. Jones handles that area.  Let me transfer you.”  Then tell Ms. Jones the context of the call before transferring.

In addition to these tips, Ms. Sokolosky has a few other things to say about using the telephone to communicate effectively.

• Put a smile in your voice.  If it helps, keep a mirror at your desk.
• Speak on the phone like you would speak to another person in the room.  Use the same volume, speak clearly and slow enough for the other person to understand what you’ve said.
• It’s not productive to carry on a conversation and read e mails at the same time.  When communicating – using any media – it’s more effective to focus on one task at a time.

All of these tips are great common sense advice.  I particularly like the last one.  Too many of us multitask too much these days.  I agree with Ms. Sokolosky.  The person with whom you’re communicating – in person, or on the phone – should get your full attention.  Anything else is just rude.  If you don’t have the time for a conversation because you have to respond to an e mail immediately, ask the other person if you can call him or her back.

Besides being rude, multitasking while on the phone will create other problems.   In most cases you’ll do a poor job on both the e mail and the phone conversation.  So why risk it?  Do one thing at a time, and your communication will be better for it.

I also like Ms. Sokolosky’s point “Ask if the person has time to talk.  If not, request a more convenient time.”  Again, I think this is good manners and good communication practice.  By asking the other person if he or she has time to speak with you, you are demonstrating that you know his or her time is valuable.  And, you are providing him or her with a gracious way to ask if he or she can call you back.

Besides that, it also will enhance your communication.  When the other person is rushed or distracted, it is difficult for him or her to focus on your conversation.  When this happens, communication suffers.  There have been many times when someone didn’t follow through on something, and when I asked “why?” they said, “Sorry.  I had a lot on my mind when we spoke.  I just plain forgot.”

The common sense point here today is simple.  The telephone can enhance or hinder your communication.  If you use your common sense while on the phone, you’ll come out ahead.  Telephone communication is just like face to face communication, as it is in real time.  Therefore, as Valerie Sokolosky suggests, speak clearly, not too loud and not too soft, and speak slow enough to be understood.  Also, because the other person isn’t there and you can’t see his or her reactions to what you say, make sure you take the time to ensure that he or she understands what you’ve said and what you’ve agreed on.  A little time spent clarifying telephone communications can help you avoid misunderstandings down the road.

That’s it for today.  Thanks for reading.  Log on to my website www.BudBilanich.com for more common sense and to subscribe to my weekly newsletter “Common Sense.” 

I’ll see you around the web and at Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

Bud   

PS: Speaking of Alex’s Lemonade Stand, my fundraising page is still open.  Please go to www.FirstGiving.com/TheCommonSenseGuy to read Alex’s inspiring story and to donate if you can.