The other day, I came across an old column in Colorado Business Magazine written by Pat Wiesner called “The Biggest Management Sin of All: How to Lose Your Job or at least Deserve to Lose It.”
The biggest sin? Demeaning people. Pat says, “My belief is that if we get caught shouting at people, demeaning them in any way, we should be fired. On the spot.”
I agree. And this holds for everyone – not just people in leadership and management positions. Belittling, intimidating, or otherwise demeaning people is not only nasty, it is destructive to their self esteem and self confidence.
Once you have made someone feel really negative about himself or herself it’s tough to reverse that feeling. Successful people help others build – not destroy – their self confidence.
I know some people, and I bet you do too, who seem to feel that the best way to feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad about themselves. That’s why they often engage in demeaning and bullying behavior.
This is simply not true. The title of one of the first self-help books I ever read – published by Thomas Harris in 1969, I’m OK, You’re OK – says it best. Successful, interpersonally competent people come from an “I’m OK, You’re OK” place. Bullies and demeaning people come from an “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” place.
Successful, interpersonally competent people realize that we’re all OK. They work hard to find common ground with all of the people in their lives so they are able to build strong relationships with them.
Here’s some common sense career advice. Treat people with kindness and respect. Help them enhance their feelings of self esteem. Do what you can to build their self confidence. When you do, you’ll become known as an interpersonally competent person – and interpersonally competent people are welcome wherever they go. They usually climb the corporate ladder quickly.
As you probably expect there are a few common sense points associated with building strong relationships. Understand yourself. Think about what makes you tick. When you are working with someone else, think about what makes him or her tick. If he or she is different from you, decide what you need to do to be better able to communicate with him or her. Second, do things for other people – and don’t keep score. Good things will come your way, often from unexpected sources. Build relationships by be willing to do for others whether or not they are willing to do for you. Finally, when you are in conflict, look for where you agree with the other person. Use these small places of agreements to build a mutually acceptable resolution to your conflict.
If you want to learn more about how to become an interpersonally competent successful person and climb the corporate ladder check out the free rebroadcast of a webinar I did recently. You can find it here.
As always, thanks for reading my daily thoughts on life and career success. I value you and I appreciate you.